No Gelt, No Glory

Welcome to “Extreme Sports: Jewish Style.” I’ll leave the suicidal skateboarding to the kids. Being a rabbi, I’m more of a dreidel blackbelt!

While they aren’t as transformative as the Kabbalah or as lucrative as a lottery win, I’m uniquely qualified to reveal to you another very powerful secret of the universe: the Upside Down Dreidel Spin.

This is the bubbie of all spins, but in the spirit of Chanukah, remember: just as the oil in the temple burned for eight days, a great dreidel player must cultivate patience and perseverance in order to master this move.

Step 1

Despite what the song says, most dreidels aren’t “made out of clay.” That’s the good news, because when it comes to dreidels, materials matter.

Start with a good quality dreidel, not one of the cheap plastic ones. The ideal dreidel is made of wood and measure about 1-inch square.

Here’s the key: make sure the very top of the handle is smooth, without any nicks or cracks.

Step 2

You also need a hard, smooth surface to spin on. Based on my extensive experience, I highly recommend the underside of a challah board.

Now, grip the dreidel’s handle between your index finger and thumb, with your palm facing upwards. The back of your hand should be no more than 6-inches above the spinning surface.

Step 3

Spin the dreidel with a snap of your thumb and index finger as you normally would — but release the dreidel with a gentle upward toss.

Step 4

Watch the amazed and impressed expressions on the faces of your family and friends.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about. The very shape of the dreidel is a metaphor: when all its square, chunky contours spin, the dreidel looks round and smooth.

And just as the circle has no top and bottom and all its points are equivalent, so too is the family. When we come together in a circle of embrace, each member is equally important.

However, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to outdo them all with my Upside Down Dreidel Spin. I’d better start practicing now if I want to be ready for Chanukah.

Simcha Weinstein is an internationally known best-selling author. His first book, Up, Up and Oy Vey! received the Benjamin Franklin Award for the best book of 2007. He has appeared on CNN “Showbiz Tonight,” and NPR, and has been profiled in leading publications including The New York Times, The Miami Herald and the London Guardian. He is a regular contributor to the Jerusalem Post and Jewish Telegraphic Agency (JTA). He chairs the Religious Affairs Committee at the renowned New York art school, Pratt Institute. His latest book Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st century (Barricade Books: 2008) is on sale now.

Chanukah: A Time For Superheroes

Doctor Leonard Samson, better known as “Doc Samson,” strides down the corridor and into the classroom, massive muscles rippling beneath his skin-tight red costume. He sports a long mane of hair, just like his biblical namesake (except the real Samson’s hair wasn’t green, presumably).

Today, Doc Samson, taking a welcome break from his crime fighting, is visiting the children at his old Hebrew school to tell them all about Chanukah. It’s a very special occasion, so Doc Samson’s wearing a navy kippa along with his skin-tight red costume. The teacher, an aging bubbe named Mrs. Klein, proudly introduces our colorful hero: “I was his teacher here at the yeshiva when he was a very little boy.”

But the chutzpadik kids are unimpressed by their bizarre guest.

One student voices his certainty that Doc Samson had been beaten up by the Hulk. Others ask whether the Maccabees had guns or cable TV. Read more

I Hate Thanksgiving

Maybe I’m just a “fundamentalist” rabbi who’s lost his sense of fun, but when it comes to giving thanks, I don’t “get” it.

We don’t celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday in my native country of England, and can you blame us? Imagine gathering around plates of mushy peas to express your gratitude for another year of record rainfall.

Being new around here, I looked up the history of Thanksgiving and now I’m more confused than ever. Those Pilgrims and their native neighbors first gathered around the table in 1565, in the month of September. Now that makes sense: celebrating a harvest festival during harvest time. (That’s what they still do up in Canada, by the way; their Thanksgiving always falls on the second Monday in October. This year that was also the first night of Sukkot, so that must have made it extra special.) Read more

The Religion of Football (Soccer)

As I write this, Germany has just trounced my beloved England 4-1 for a spot in the World Cup quarterfinals.

As an Englishman living in New York — the world’s unofficial capital city — I’ve been inspired by the passion and excitement I’ve witnessed, as fans of all nationalities gather in the bars of Brooklyn to celebrate “the beautiful game.”

I’d hoped this would be England’s year. After all, I am a man of faith. Yet when England was knocked out, I was well prepared. Partly because I’m a faithful supporter of Manchester City, a team that has yet to win so much as an eggcup since the year I was born.

So yes, I know the meaning of pain. In fact, I was a season ticket holder for many years. Then when Manchester City was demoted to the old second division, I was motivated to rip up that season ticket and enter rabbinical school. (Well, several life changing trips to Israel helped, too).

As luck would have it, my beloved City has now grown into one of the world’s richest clubs, and is in the running for some major silverware next season. I don’t know if my tantrum had any effect on that.

But I was happy to trade my season ticket for a siddur after I began to notice how today’s fans idolize their football heroes. Perhaps because of our sedentary careers and routine lives, many of us live vicariously through professional athletes. Their success becomes our success, and their failures become our failures. Should David Beckham’s injured knee really result in a national day of morning? Where are our priorities? The great Bill Shankly got it wrong: football is not more serious than life and death.

Saturday afternoon is a perfect time for faith, family and friends. We should be relaxing on the pews of the shul, not in the terraces.

Don’t think I’m bashing the beautiful game; after all, once Shabbat over, I still run to check the scores.

In fact, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, noted that football is a powerful metaphor for life.

The objective of the beautiful game is to kick a ball into a “goal.” It sounds easy, but we all have opponents to face, and our true potential is only awakened by challenge and adversity.

In his enlightening and entertaining book “How Football Explains The World,” American fan Franklin Foer uses football anecdotes to explain how the world at large works.

He notes that every four years, we see globalization made manifest in the World Cup. During this communal event, the world is united. Nations may be battling other nations, but they are doing so without weapons – and all are united by their passion for the game itself.

The most important thing to remember is that, win or lose, it’s just a game, and a funny old one at that!

Simcha Weinstein is an internationally known, best-selling author. His first book Up, Up and Oy Vey!, received the Benjamin Franklin Award for the best book of 2007. He has appeared on CNN Showbiz Tonight and NPR, and has been profiled in leading publications, including The New York Times, The Miami Herald and The London Guardian. He is a regular contributor to The Jerusalem Post and The Jewish Telegraphic Agency (JTA), and other publications. He chairs the Religious Affairs Committee at the renowned New York art school, Pratt Institute. His latest book Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st century (Barricade Books: 2008) is out now.

The Darwin Debate

So then there was the time the monkey escaped from the zoo.

The zookeeper looked high and low, and after a long search, he finally found the monkey sitting in the public library.

His mixed-up looking monkey was holding a Bible in one (opposably-thumbed) hand, and Charles Darwin’s “On the Origin of Species” in the other.

“I’m confused,” the monkey told the zookeeper. “Am I my brother’s keeper – or my keeper’s brother?”

You ll forgive a rabbi for starting off with a little joke. (“Very little,” I can hear some of you saying.) What can I tell you? It’s a hazard of the job.

But for a rabbi like me, the subject of evolution is no joke.

And as an Englishman now living in New York, I can assure you: the topic is never far from the surface here in America. This is the country where atheists “celebrate” Christmas by trying to get “Silent Night” silenced from school pageants, then furious Christians respond with unchristian fury – and we Jews get blamed for it all!

I kid! Again. (Mostly.)

But yes, in the United States, the fallout from the famous Scopes “Monkey” Trial — which pitted evolutionists against creationists — is still in the air.

So I’m not surprised that the producer of a new British movie about Charles Darwin is blaming “religious American audiences” because his film, “Creation,” can’t get a distribution deal across the pond.

“Creation” stars Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connolly as Charles Darwin and his devout wife, Emma. The film depicts events leading up to the publication of Darwin’s world changing book.

In particular, the death of Darwin’s ten-year-old daughter, Anna, caused him to question his Christian faith and paved the way for his theory of evolution and natural selection.

No sooner had the London Daily Mail trumpeted the producer’s claim that right wing Christ ians were trying to ban his movie, than Twitter and Facebook lit up like (soon to be banned) Christmas trees, with calls to defend “Creation” against those redneck censors.

The trouble is: a reporter from New York Magazine (hardly an ally of the fundamentalists) couldn’t find any actual film distributors to confirm the producer’s tales of persecution.

The reporter then ventured another guess at the cause of the movie’s misfortunes:

“Maybe the movie’s just not that good? And a money loser to boot?” mused Dan Kois, quoting one critic as calling it “Flat, dull, and painful to sit through.”

So while American Christians have indeed tried to ban “offensive” movies in the past, this time they don’t seem to care enough about “Creation” to bother.

Frankly, until I read in the Daily Mail about this “controversy” allegedly sweeping America, I hadn’t heard a thing about it.

This doesn’t mean I don’t care about the topic of evolution. I’d just rather argue about real theories and real science, not imaginary controversies surrounding forgettable movies.

Don’t get me wrong: without the brilliance and hard work of scientists in every field, our world would be a poorer place. I admire their ingenuity and dedication. Heck, I admire the fact that they’ve mastered mathematics, because I sure couldn’t!

I only wish evolutionary scientists could admit that they are no more objective about their field as I am of mine. Scientists claim to be motivated by reason, logic and facts – but Darwin himself was clearly influenced by tragic events in his own life, and the feelings these events engendered.

Would the theory of natural selection have ever “evolved” if Darwin’s daughter had lived? We can only speculate – except that lots of “free thinking” scientists wish we wouldn’t.

Evolution says that a dumb universe can create intelligent beings. But we read in Genesis that our intelligent universe just looks dumb – it is smarter than we can perceive.

That’s not to say we human beings aren’t dumb: if you want to see how badly natural selection works, just watch some reality TV!

Some respectable Torah scholars have tried to align Judaism with evolution. Yet none of them can square the famous creation story in Genesis with Darwin’s theories, or their own.

Their error stems from the commonplace belief that evolution has been scientifically proven and therefore cannot be questioned. This is simply not the case. While Darwin’s theories were quickly embraced as handy (and sometimes sinister) metaphors by some artists, writers and philosophers – not to mention a famous dictator or two — they haven’t withstood more rigorous examination.

At bottom, we’re stuck with a handful of fossils, lots of speculation– and plenty of unanswered questions.

The human mind recoils at the prospect of having to say, “I don’t understand.” Any theory is better than none. As far as many moderns are concerned, even a half-baked theory is better than the alternative: religious faith.

Anyway, “Creation” co-star Jennifer Connelly is Jewish. In fact, she was raised here in Brooklyn Heights, where my synagogue resides. I would implore her not to waste this weekend worrying over her new movie’s disappointing performance at the box office. I invite her to come to shul for Rosh Hashanah instead. We may not have all the answers, but we do have something better than theories. We have faith.

Simcha Weinstein is an internationally known best-selling author. His first book, Up, Up and Oy Vey! received the Benjamin Franklin Award for the best book of 2007. He has appeared on CNN “Showbiz Tonight,” and NPR, and has been profiled in leading publications including The New York Times, The Miami Herald and the London Guardian. He is a regular contributor to the Jerusalem Post and Jewish Telegraphic Agency (JTA). He chairs the Religious Affairs Committee at the renowned New York art school, Pratt Institute. His latest book Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st century (Barricade Books: 2008) is on sale now.

Loving Susie Essman?

On January 25, CBS aired the TV movie “Loving Leah.” This pleasant if forgettable Hallmark Hall of Fame production told the romantic tale of a secular Jewish doctor (what else?) who marries his Chabad-Chasidic sister-in-law, Leah, after the death of his brother, the rabbi (but of course!) 

 
Actress Susie Essman, who portrayed Leah’s overbearing bubbe, appeared on the talk show The View last week to promote the new movie. However, Essman spent much of her time berating the real-life Chasidic women she’d met during filming. 
 
View co-host Joy Behar asked Essman, CSo what did you learn about the Chasidic religion?” 
 
Essman replied, “They’re not very good dressers… Have you seen what these women look like half the time?”  Read more

Cell Phone on Vibrate: Ari Gold takes on Yom Kippur

Emily Gold: You want me to lie?
Ari Gold: That is the beauty of Yom Kippur, as long as you apologize before sundown it doesn’t matter what you do!
Entourage (Season 3, “Return of the King” 2007)

Pity poor type-A Hollywood agent Ari Gold on the show Entourage. He’s forced to fidget and sweat throughout Yom Kippur, unable to use his mobile phone to broker a major driven deal.

Ari Gold’s pushiness, sarcasm and neurosis conform to Hollywood’s popular notions of Jewish behavior and priorities. Even this flashy, success-obsessed character’s surname, “Gold,” is perfectly apt. Nasty stereotypes about Jews and their relationship with money die hard, because they got their start centuries ago. Since biblical times, Jews have been engaged in finance — and the complex relationship Jews have with money goes back almost that far. Myths depicting Jews as moneygrubbers were popular in medieval and Renaissance Europe. Medieval Jews weren’t permitted to own property or enter “respectable” professions, but they were allowed to act as moneylenders. Christian and Muslim rulers said lending money at interest was a sin, but they were happy to pawn off this “necessary evil” on their Jewish subjects. Read more

Spirituality in Spandex

If you’ve taken public transportation lately, glanced at a supermarket magazine rack or simply turned on the TV, by now you know that one very popular, web-slinging superhero is about to swing back into your friendly neighborhood multi-plex.

In the third and latest installment of the Spider-Man movie franchise, everyone’s favorite arachnid hero is seduced by his shadow side. As the Spider-Man motto puts it, “With great power comes great responsibility”, but this time around, Spider-Man and his good guy alter-ego Peter Parker discover that it also comes with great temptations to evil. Spider-Man is about to go off the derech. Read more

Book Tour

11/14/2010
23rd Annual Bikur Cholim Conference
Topic: Utilizing comics to promote Bikur Cholim

5/28/2010
Suffolk Y JCC in Commack
Topic: Up, Up and Oy Vey!

4/25/2010
Temple Beth Chai,
Long Island
Annual Journal Luncheon and Dance

1/31/2010 3pm
Holocaust Museum and Study Center
17 South Madison Ave
Spring Valley, NY 10977
http://www.holocauststudies.org/
Topic: War Time Motivation: Superheroes & the Holocaust

1/16/2010
Chabad of Port Washington
Topic: Up, Up and Oy Vey!

12/25/2009
Congregation Kehilath Jacob
THE CARLEBACH SHUL
305 West 79th Street New York NY 10024
Topic: Shtick Shift
http://www.carlebachshul.org/

12/19/2009
Emunah of Teaneck
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/9/09
Chabad of the Conejo
30345 Canwood Street
Agoura Hills, CA 91301

11/8/2009 2pm
The Walters Art Museum
Graham Auditorium
600 North Charles Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
Phone: 410-547-9000 ext.236
Fax: 410-837-4886
Topic: Up, Up and Oy Vey: How Jewish History, Culture, and Values Shaped the Comic Book Superhero
Rabbi Weinstein will discuss the relevance of a hero in film and life as created by co-authors Jerome Siegel and Joseph Shuster during the rise of fascism in 1930s Europe. A reception follows the book signing.
Pre-registration recommended
Register by clicking here
www.thewalters.org

11/6/09
Chabad Community Center of Pacific Palisades
15207 W Sunset Blvd
Pacific Plsds, CA 90272-3567
(310) 454-7783
http://www.chabadpalisades.com/

10/19/2009
Oxford College of Emory University,
Atlanta
Topic: Up, Up and Oy Vey
www.oxford.emory.edu
Download the EBrochure here

9/13/2009
register online

2/19/2009
Aliya Institute
525-527 E New York Ave, Brooklyn

5/26/2009
topic: comedy and cocktails
Soho center for jewish life

2/17/2009
Queensborough Community College
Holocaust Resource Center and Archives, Bayside, NY 11364

2/8/2009 12.15-1.15pm
New York Comic Con
Jews and Comics: A Cottage Industry
Rabbi Simcha in discussion with writers Arie Kaplan, Danny Fingeroth and comic book creators Al Jaffee and Jerry Robinson.

2/1/2009
Congregation Beth Israel, Greater Hartford
Topic: Up, Up and Oy Vey! How Jewish History, Culture and Values, Shaped the Comic Book Superhero

1/31/2009
Emunah
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

1/25/2009
Houston, TX
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

1/14/2009
Barnes & Noble, 106 Court Street Brooklyn Heights
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century
Start 7pm

12/9/2008
Chabad of Flamingo
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

12/4/2008
Richmond, VA
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

12/3/2008
Tenement Museum, NY NY
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

12/2/08
Chabad of MD
Topic: Up, Up and Oy Vey! How Jewish History, Culture and Values, Shaped the Comic Book Superhero

11/19/2008
Fort Lee, New Jersey
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/18/2008
St. Louis, MO
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/16/2008
Detroit, MI
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/15/2008
Vir. Beach, VA
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/13/2008
San Diego, CA
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/11/2008
Cherry Hill, NJ
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/9/2008
American Jewish University, Los Angeles, CA
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

11/5/08
Gainesville Chabad
Topic: Up, Up and Oy Vey! How Jewish History, Culture and Values, Shaped the Comic Book Superhero

11/3/2008
Denver, CO
Topic: Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century

Additional dates to be announced soon.

F for Dysfunctional: The Fantastic Four “Family” Returns

The summer wedding season is here, and even comic book characters getting into the act. In the upcoming blockbuster movie, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, the First Family of superheroes will meet their greatest challenge yet: marriage!

The Invisible Woman and Mr. Fantastic are finally about to tie the knot, but before we can say “mazeltov”, their new nemesis, the Silver Surfer, ruins the big day. This metallic, intergalactic villain (who looks like an Silver-dipped, Academy Award come to life) is here to prepare the Earth for destruction. And only the Fantastic Four can stop him. Read more

Next Page »