Loving Susie Essman?
February 3, 2009 by simchaweinstein
Filed under Articles, Popular Culture, Religion and Spirituality
On January 25, CBS aired the TV movie “Loving Leah.” This pleasant if forgettable Hallmark Hall of Fame production told the romantic tale of a secular Jewish doctor (what else?) who marries his Chabad-Chasidic sister-in-law, Leah, after the death of his brother, the rabbi (but of course!)
Actress Susie Essman, who portrayed Leah’s overbearing bubbe, appeared on the talk show The View last week to promote the new movie. However, Essman spent much of her time berating the real-life Chasidic women she’d met during filming.
View co-host Joy Behar asked Essman, CSo what did you learn about the Chasidic religion?”
Essman replied, “They’re not very good dressers… Have you seen what these women look like half the time?”
I was shocked for two reasons.
First, I was personally offended by Susie Essman’s catty comments. My wife happens to be a Chabad-Chasidic woman. She is proud of it – and so am I. In fact, my wig wearing, modestly clad babe of a wife could easily teach Essman a few things about fashion and beauty. (At the risk of sounding as “dishy” as Essman, I seem to recall that the actress’ own good looks — or lack thereof — were the subject of considerable ribbing when she was on the dais of the Comedy Central Bob Saget Roast last year. When Cloris Leachman is joking about how much you look like a man, you’ve got problems!)
Secondly, I found it ironic to hear Susie Essman stereotyping Jewish women. After all, she’s made a lucrative career portraying a shallow, status conscious Jewish wife. If that isn’t a cruel stereotype, then what is?
Essman plays the foul-mouthed Susie Greene on the HBO series “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” As the wife of Larry David’s agent and best friend, Essman is a two-dimensional caricature: a sharp-tongued scold who always looks frumpy in spite of (or, more accurately, because of) her garish designer ensembles.
Meanwhile, Larry’s wife Cheryl is the non-Jewish trophy wife par-excellence: beautiful, blonde, chic and supportive. It’s a familiar trope in Jewish comedy, in which Jewish girls are often portrayed as consolation prizes next to the characters’ gentile trophy wives.
I should know: I wrote all about it in my new book, Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century.
For instance, in Annie Hall (1977) Woody Allen’s character plays up the difference between his first two wives, both Jewish, and his new=2 0uber-WASP girlfriend Diane Keaton, who “looks like the wife of an astronaut.”
In Keeping the Faith (2000), Ben Stiller plays Rabbi Schram, who is caught in a very unlikely romantic rivalry with his best childhood friend, a Catholic priest, over the affections of an Irish Catholic girl. (PS: the rabbi gets the girl. And that’s not a spoiler. It’s not as if there could be any other finale under the circumstances, is there?) Before the curtain falls, however, Rabbi Schram is introduced to a number of eligible Jewish girls. Unfortunately, these Jewish women are portrayed as desperate and unattractive.
Ben Stiller returned as Reuben Feffer in Along Came Polly (2004), playing an uptight, obsessive, nebbish Jew who marries a not-very-attractive Jewish girl. But before you can say “mazel tov,” his new bride cheats while on their honeymoon. Stiller eventually finds new love with the spontaneous, pretty, non-Jewish Polly (Jennifer Aniston).
All these cruel depictions and many others fly in the face of reality, not to mention our spiritual inheritance. The fact is, the very first mention of humor in the Bible concerns a strong, beloved Jewish woman. Matriarch Sarah, you’ll recall, is told that God will finally bless her with her very first child—at the ripe old age of ninety-nine.
Sarah laughs, and who can blame her? But God is not amused: “Why did Sarah laugh? Is there something God cannot do?” (Genesis 18: 13–14).
When the child is born, Abraham and Sarah name the boy Isaac; the Hebrew “Yitzchak” comes from the root word “tzchok,” meaning “laughter.” Why? Because, as Sarah explains, “God has caused laughter to me.” (Genesis 21: 6).
Given laughter’s distinguished, even holy, pedigree, surely the time has come to stop laughing at Jewish women, like Susie Essman did, and start laughing with them.
Simcha Weinstein is an award-winning author, whose latest book is Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st century (Barricade Books: 2008) is out now.
I read this article over Shabbos and I couldn’t agree with you more regarding the stereotypical role of Jewish women in film. I must admit, before I was BT, I also thought that Jewish women (excluding those in my family) were like Susie Essman’s character on “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, with a few more characteristics I’ll withhold. However, the first experience I had and a Shabbat meal in Tsfat (part of Livnot L’hibanot), I was in awe of what I saw in front of me. The kindest, put-together, non-judgemental, mother, and wife I’ve ever encountered. Yes, she was Jewish and I was so inspired by her demeanor that I was like, “I’ll have what she’s having”. This is the kind of Judaism my neshama craved. And her husband, a real mensch, full of respect for his wife. It was love at first site, I wanted that in my life.
It is exactly that experience that made me so thankful to be a Jewish woman, and potentially a wife and mother. Baruch Hashem, I went back to Israel and studied full-time at She’arim, Har Nof, Jerusalem, and the rest is history. I am now, Baruch Hashem, a wife, mother, and Orthodox. My home is always open for people who need a meal, both Orthodox and Non-Orthodox men and women. I want them to experience what I had ten years earlier at a Shabbos meal in Tsfat.
I hope your article will reach the unreachable and open their eyes to the Jewish mothers and wives that speak without shouting, do without expecting, and give without taking. Jewish women have a lot to be proud of (Esther, Sarah, Rachel, Rivkah, etc.) It’s right there in your DNA, after all, the Jewish people “are a light unto the nations”.
As we embark upon Passover, the most celebrated Jewish holiday,Jewish families should remove the (Chametz) dough from their homes and consume only unleavened dough (Matzah) for eight days. Yes, it is flat, but the spiritual benefits are bountiful. How can this be possible? In a post from chabad.org, the signifiganceof eating Matzah on Passover is because, “The characteristic of leavened dough (Chametz) is that it rises and swells, symbolizing pride and boastfulness. A Matzah, on the other hand, is thin and flat, suggesting meekness and humility. Passover teaches us that Chametz – arrogance – is the very antithesis of the ideal of Torah”.
As we bite into our Hillel sandwiches and devour the Afikomen this Passover, let’s remember where we came from and how we were brought out of our enslavement. Let’s free ourselves from Jewish stereotypes in the media, and the world will recognize our true essence.
I agree with your kind words! And I think you blog is very FUNNY and important. What bother’s me is that Hollywood is so good when it comes to busting sterotypes, except when it comes to Jews?
In your commentary “Loving Susie Essman?”, you failed to tell the actual ending of the film “Keeping the Faith”. It is unfortunate that you failed to note that, at the end of the picture (or near the end) we see that Ms Elfman (who plays the Irish-Catholic girl) is greeted by the congregation’s chief rabbi (not Ben Stiller) who reminds her that the next meeting between them (part of her process in studying in order to convert to Judaism) will be taking place at a later time. Your comment: “It’s not as if there could be any other finale under the circumstances, is there?)”. I won’t argue with the rest of that article. However, it is lousy journal- ism to omit saleint facts about any subject. I do not expect to receive a response from you in reply–just be more accurate and less biased in the future. For the record, I am a Reform Jew, the Director of the International Archive of Jewish Music, and a writer who usually tries to get his facts straight. But, of course, I am not speaking from a position of literary power in Brooklyn.
Why would I not respond?? I love to discuss and debate.
I also failed to mention that the negative Jewish stereotype is countered by Rena Sofer portrayal as Rachel Rose as positive Jewish character but I don’t think this takes away from the thesis of my article which I uphold.
Give a limited word count I have to be brief – if you take a look at my book you will see that I deal with the story in greater scope.
I appreciate your question and respect your opinion.
Best,
Simcha
We all know that in every stereotype there is a bit of truth. The stereotypes about Jewish women and gentile women are very pronounced in Curb Your Enthusiasm. Many could argue that these stereotypes are unhealthy and unfairly stereotype Jewish women. The rabbis references to the Torah are in many respects removed from existing reality. The show clearly demonstrates that those core esteemed values have been replaced with many of the qualities we see in Sussie.
In a society which consistently seeks to adhere to political correctness, It is very easy to criticize media and its portrayal of Jewish women. However, it is much more difficult to seek the reasons for the existence of these stereotypes. Unfortunately her behavior is very consistent with what I see on a daily basis. However, it is extremely important to distinguish that I see this behavior for more often in communities where people characterize themselves as “ethnically” jewish as opposed to “religiously” Jewish.
In actuality, Sussie’s behavior is typical of Jews who have lost their religious identity and replaced it with a strong belief in the self, status and entitlement which are prevalent today in the major cities and in communities which are less religious. I am neither religious nor married but the overall charecteristics are very obvious to me. They are extremely exposed in circles where the individuals are surrounded by others that feed into this behavior and allow it to propogate. Larry is probably more self absorbed than Sussie. However, Sussies strong sense of entitlement emanate from successive generations of women who live off the hard work of their Jewish husbands and expect it to continue while they berate their husbands. This entitlement coupled with minimal Jewish education and minimal emphasis on Jewish values has created a society of Jewish women whose behavior has been left unchecked. There virtuous and noble grandmothers would be turning in their grave to see how their daughters are behaving today.
I can appreciate the comments made by the Rabbi and its reference to the Torah but it is disconnected to what is happening on the ground.
Daniel:
You make a valid point but i don’t see it as “ethnically” jewish or “religiously” Jewish – Jews are more complex beings, rather an amalgamation of many things; religious, cultural, ethical etc etc
Dear Rabbi,
Thank you for your thoughful article and also appreciate Daniel’s post.
I am meeting with Susie Essman regarding her new book and comments on “The View”. in Miami where I live at the Miami Book Fair for a story I am writing for my local Jewish publication.
In her book, Susie has a high regard for her orthodox grandmother whom she was thinking about in her portrayal of Malka in “Loving Leah”.
Although the mivie was not realistic, neverthless it was a nice romantic comedy and thought the actress playing Leah was superb. It was also nice to see that Jake the secular Jew was caring about his Jewish heritage at the end of the film.
For a Hollywood filom to see s Jew marrying another Jew- over his Gentile girlfreind- is unusual and reminds me a little of “Crossing Delancey”.
Chassidic girls ponder such questions as
“if non-shocking is shocking; is tznius now not tznius?”
see article on recent London Fashion Week:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/feb/24/london-fashion-week-softens-its-edges
Really good article, I am checking back often to look for improvements.
[...] [...]
I intended to post you the bit of observation to be able to say thank you once again for your pleasing techniques you have documented in this case. It’s really tremendously open-handed of people like you to supply extensively all most people could possibly have offered for an electronic book to end up making some dough on their own, most notably now that you could possibly have tried it in the event you wanted. The suggestions also served to provide a good way to comprehend other people online have the same eagerness like mine to learn more in regard to this problem. I’m certain there are a lot more pleasant occasions in the future for many who check out your blog post.